Backdoor Adventures: A Playful Guide
Backdoor play remains taboo even though everyone has a butt to (potentially) play with and experience pleasure with. Maybe you’re curious, maybe you have internalized shame around the subject, maybe you don’t know how to bring it up to your partner and maybe you are interested in exploring by yourself and don’t know where to start. Anal sex was not something that was taught in our formative years. It makes sense why many people have reservations on exploring it, and it’s a shame since there are many people who have explored and figured out what works for them and now have anal sex on their sexual menu. Additionally, since anal sex isn’t formally taught, there are those who stumble into it without knowing how which can lead to potentially bad/painful experiences and turn people off to the sex act altogether.
Exploring
Whether you explore by yourself by way of hands or toys, or if you want to include your partner, there are a few things to keep in mind when engaging in back door play.
1. Take deep breaths and take your time! Rushing will not serve anyone in this scenario.
2. Lube is your best friend! The anus is not self-lubricating. Lube is required to enjoy the experience. Feel free to liberally use lube to reduce friction and provide an easier transition to pleasurable back-door penetration. Depending on how long the session is, you may even need to reapply, so keep your lube nearby and handy!
3. If you are exploring with a partner, whether that means pegging (typically a female partner using a strap-on to penetrate a male partner), using toys, or using your penis, start with combining 1 & 2 above. Apply lube to the area as well as to the penis or toy being inserted. For toys, there are butt plugs and anal beads, both come in a variety of sizes, some even vibrate! When using toys, apply a generous amount of lube to the toy before inserting. For plugs, you need to choose a toy with a flared base! Anything without a flared base increases your chances of having an embarrassing story involving medical professionals removing it for you. They have better things to do, just don’t. There are even entire social media accounts of medical professionals who warn against unsuspecting objects you might find tempting to try inserting. Don’t believe me? Check out emtbage502 on Instagram. This is not how you want to get your 15 mins of fame, just don’t. Either way, start slowly and remind the receiving partner/bottom to breathe.
4. Try different positions! Just like there are positions we prefer over others in vaginal sex, there are different positions that can offer more pleasure and reduce any discomfort you might be feeling.
5. Communicate and listen to your body! If you are receiving and need your partner to slow down, say so! If you need a moment or want to stop entirely, that’s fine too. You shouldn’t be in excruciating pain during this type of play. The point is to experience and share pleasure.
A note about Lube
When it comes to back-door play, not all lubes are best suited for the job! For instance, Water-based lubes are great! The only drawback is that they might need to be reapplied, which might damage the mood if you need to revisit that multiple times. Silicone-based lubes are great since they won’t need to be reapplied since they are longer lasting. Additionally, they are latex condom safe! One minor inconvenience is that should the lube get on your fabrics (clothing or bedsheets) they can leave an oil stain that is hard to remove. Same with Oil-based lubes, they will leave a hard to remove residue on any linens they encounter. More importantly than that, they can degrade latex condoms, increasing the chances that they will rip and tear. However, oil-based lubes are very slippery comparatively to the other two. Lastly, Saliva can be used as lube if you have nothing else and are in a pinch. There is no worry about degrading condoms, but it will dry up quickly, so it’s a short-term solution at best. Also, lube with spermicide in it should be avoided at all costs as the chemicals that help prevent pregnancy can irritate the anal cavity.
Now let’s review some pros and cons!
Pros
Some women have reported that their orgasms reach a different level of intensity from anal sex. Yes, there are many nerve endings in the anus, but there are even more in the clit and vagina, making this phenomenon very interesting. Can’t say it doesn’t at least pique your curiosity. Some women even report that anal sex makes them squirt! Anal sex is taboo, and taboos are fun to play with in the bedroom. The whole, “This is naughty” and “We shouldn’t be doing this” and “I shouldn’t like this as much as I do” is a fun mental frame to explore and lean into what you might not know that you enjoy, yet. Another pro is that for women sometimes do not want to have vaginal sex. Whether it be due to it being that time of the month and not wanting the mess to recovering from a UTI and not wanting to exacerbate it. Anal sex provides a potential other option in the scenario where vaginal sex is not a desirable option. Lastly, and obviously, anal sex will never result in pregnancy!
Cons
Anal sex isn’t always the most spontaneous. For instance, you might want to reconsider having anal sex if you recently had foods that tend to make you gassy. Some people like to prepare the area before penetration by using an enema to reduce the potential of any messes. However, given the nature of the anus, keep in mind that sometimes, sh!t happens, and the body is going to be a body and perform like a body does and shaming someone in this instance will only make them never want to try it again. Consider using a towel or some kind of barrier to avoid more serious issues, after all it’s easier to clean a towel compared to a couch. Happy sexplorations!
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